


Sing me to sleep

by 21freys



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: DID ? kind of, M/M, SADSADSAD, Sad, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicide mention, blurry is in bold, i'm not sure, i'm sorry in advance, possibly implied character death?, stay safe and alive sorry about this guys, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21freys/pseuds/21freys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But Tyler knew. Not this time. Tyler knew<br/>(Title from Asleep by the Smiths)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sing me to sleep

Hands grabbing

Hands clawing, needing, needing to breathe, not feeling, can’t feel not real not real not real _n o t real_.

 

He shook, everything was shaking he needed to call Josh, he knew he was in the next room he needed… everything was shaking his whole body seemed to have decided that it didn’t want to be normal. Normal. That was a funny word, Tyler had never been normal, he had been closest to it when all he did was play basketball. But even then the words sat in his head, the heart that beat inside his head with constant words of doubt and anger. The eyes that glowed and made him shake and cry long into the night. Tyler was broken, he knew that but he was trying he had to try to put himself back together. _For Josh_. He told himself every when he woke, he is doing it for Josh he just needs a little more time a little more.

 

**Foolish. Stupid. You’ve been saying “a little more” for years.**

 

_I know I knowiknowiknowiknow_

 

**Fighting with yourself again tyler, what would your psychologist say. I'm just a figment of your imagination remember.**

 

_Stop. Stop please I need you to stop I cant, I cant, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop_.

 

“Tyler?” Josh knocks at the door. “Are you okay? Whats happening who are you talking to”

“J-Josh I'm okay I-I was just going to shower” tyler knows it’s stupid to lie, his voice is thick with tears.

“I'm coming in Ty just – can you unlock the door please?”

“I-it’s open I couldn’t get the lock to work” his voice seems to be coming out stilted; he can’t quite hear properly the world is almost fuzzy. **Not real**. _Shut up._

“I didn’t say anything.” Josh has entered the room now, tyler doesn’t remember him opening the door. He looks up and Josh realizes just what a mess he is.

“Oh tyler fuck what happened I thought you were doing okay shit hang on let me get some bandages..”  Bandages? Tyler doesn’t remember doing anything, he looks down. Oh he’s bleeding, a lot.

 

**You’re going insane Tyler my dear can’t even remember hurting yourself anymore**

 

Tyler just wants to sleep.

“You can sleep in a minute tyler just let… fuck… just let me bandage this up okay? No, no don’t move I'll clean the rest in a minute just… don’t move okay?” Tyler nods, apparently he'd spoken his thoughts aloud again. Typical. He hisses as Josh places the bandage over his arm and his chest, the fabric felt constricting like he couldn’t breathe properly. Which he guessed was because he couldn’t. Panic has a way of doing that. Or was it blood loss, or just his body giving up on him finally. He could never quite tell. He’s vaguely aware of Josh picking him up and carrying him to their room. He's placed down on the bed which is usually the best feeling it’s so soft, but today all he feels is like he's drowning, the sheets are smothering him he needs to get out but he’s lost all his energy.

“Tyler!” Josh snaps him out of his panic looking at him worriedly, “I need you to breathe okay?? breathe with me, five seconds in, five seconds out.” Tyler followed what he was being told to do but he didn’t see the point he had no reason to be breathing. He felt himself calming though, the sheets weren't hurting him as much anymore.

“Did you want to talk about it Ty?”

“N-no, no I’m okay Josh I, thank you I just need to sleep”

“Tyler, we both know that isn’t true, you’ve been doing so well what triggered this?”

“Nothing. Fucking. Triggered. It. Okay Josh? I don’t know what happened, I don't know I can't remember i can’t do this anymore Josh it’s too loud”

“Baby boy i know, I’m sorry I should have seen this coming hey, hey come here it’s okay you’re okay now you’re safe I’m here” he pulled Tyler in as he sobbed into his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay Ty-guy” Tyler knew that wasn’t true but it was nice to know someone cared. He allowed himself to relax, allowing Josh to lay him down gently, and stroke his hair. As he was falling asleep Tyler whispered, “I’m scared Josh.”

“I know Ty, i am too, but it’s okay, you have me. We’re going to make it through this i know we will. We always do.

But Tyler knew. Not this time. Tyler knew.

**Author's Note:**

> fuck ok feel free to leave a comment and kudos and then drop kick me into the sun.


End file.
